You're not Mr. T. Now fuck off out of my childhood.

Noticed that there was a new A-Team movie out. Cool, I thinks to myself. Mr. T's fucken awesome, and while the bloke who played Hannibal is dead, and who knows or cares about what happened to the blokes who played The Face and Murdoch, and the Token Chick no-one gives a shit about anyway.So, I think, I'll see who's got the gig as Hannibal. A quick Google search reveals some Irish fucker is Hannibal. Liam Neeson's not too bad, except he's not smoking cigars and being fucking smart...

...
...AND SOME FUCKWICKET FUCKING TALENTLESS FUCKING KNOB-CANCEROUS LESION CALLED QUINTON 'RAMPAGE' JACKSON IS MR. T.
WHO?
WHAT THE ARSE-RAPING FUCK?
WHERE IS THE FUCKING T?

WHY?
I grew up with the A-Team. If a show was ever designed for young boys, then it was the original A-Team. And I was a young boy when The A-Team was at it's fucking zenith.
Shit blows up, Mr. T wallops various assembled fools and/or suckers, drives his van and teaches kids to not do drugs and stay in school and drink milk like The Phantom, Murdoch acts insane and The Face gets the women. All pretty high in the kickarse stakes for 8 year old boys. But mainly Mr. T. Everyone idolised the T - so much so that the A-Team as a show was designed around the fact that everyone thought he should have indeed pitied Rocky Balboa more in Rocky 3 and created something to hang around Mr. T turning up and dealing with aforementioned suckers and fools.In fact, I credit the fact that I am not addicted to 17 different types of illicit drugs solely to Mr. T being The Fucking Shit.

So, I looks on the Net and finds some shocking things, so shocking that people without a strong disposition should avert their eyes.



This is a poor imposter. A fool, or a sucker, as Mr. T would be wont to say.

Not the lack of jewellery, no denimy frilly stuff, and the lack of the fact that it's not Mr. T. What's even more interesting is that Mr. T is not listed anywhere in the credits. Whatsoever. Apparently he turned a cameo down. I don't know if the response to the cameo offer might have been done using the word "fool" to describe the producer and screenwriters and other cunts associated with this utter fucking travesty.

Now get the fuck out of my fucking childhood, and don't ruin one of the coolest things to happen in the 1980's, whoever the fuck you are.

Evidence that Clay Lucas Is A Fuckwit, Volume 1.

Been a while since ranting. Been working every day for three weeks (actually, I've had two days off since about Anzac Day) so I've been saving picking on Clay Lucas until I had time to point out his many journalistic failings.

So, who the fuck is this Clay Lucas? He's a journalist with The Age, a broadsheet that's probably slightly left-wing (as opposed to the Herald-Sun, an extreme right-wing newspaper owned by News Limited).

Mainly, he's a transport journalist. Whatever that is.

However, he seems to hate public transport with a passion that is almost holy, which combined with a poor grasp of English, translates into foaming-at-the-mouth rants about the slightest problem into a monumental fuck-up of national importance. Case in point - this article about Myki.

Now, Myki has some problems, but the ones he lists are really fucking minor, but he manages to use his hatred for public transport to turn it into A Major Fucking Drama.

Look at the first line of his article:

MYKI, the $1.35 billion smartcard ticketing system bedevilled by a series of bungles

Fuck me, that's some alliteration there, arsehole. Bet you went and tossed one off over that piece of headline brilliance.
(Although the real bungles I think may have been the unavailability for his parents of an abortifacent).
There have been not that many bungles, and this is from someone who sees these cards in operation on a daily basis. But, who's to let facts get in the way of some third-rate hack's vituperation?

The problem? Seniors Mykis need a one cent balance to work, and this has been data-entered manually as they were on a zero balance.

Claims it cost $2 million to do, but no proof, other than his bullshit assertion, has been offered - mind you, it includes printing costs of letters which isn't cheap, plus postage, so it's not going to be free. But Lay Clueless, which he'll be known as, gets all weaselly with the next paragraph:

''This exercise took several weeks and was carried out by existing myki customer service staff. There was no increase in staffing costs,'' Transport Ticketing Authority spokesman Chris Veraa said.

The seniors cards are now ready to be sent out. The cost of adding the one cent, and putting a new letter with the cards after the departure of former minister Lynne Kosky, is $2 million.

First of all - so what if a new letter had to be issued? Ministers resign. Happens a lot (especially for fugly NSW transport ministers who like glory-holes). That's going to cost money, you fuckwicket. It's not newsworthy, and nor should it be - unless you're Lay Clueless, and need to express your hatred for mass transportation.

The bits that stand out though, for fuckwit attempts at creating drama out of nothing, is this

News of the latest myki embarrassment comes as a spokesman for the company contracted to create myki confirmed that a previously identified problem where cards were sent out with a balance of $151,000 was more widespread than previously thought.

[wankery snipped]

John Fergusson, said at least 40 ''jackpot'' myki cards were sent to those who registered for a card. Previously Kamco had said ''several'' such cards were sent out.

Forty cards are fucking several, you fucking cretin. How does that translate into "more widespread than previously thought", penis-breath?

No, wait. It just gets fucking worse.

Myki cards, which cost $10 without any credit loaded onto them, are also proving less durable than planned. Of 380,000 cards sent out, around 1600 have been found to be defective.

Let's see now - that's a fuck-up rate of....

...0.04%.

Now, how many Metcards fuck up? Be a lot more than that tiny fucking figure, dipshit. Can't remember where, but Metcards were fucking up at 5% when introduced.

The last paragraph though is a corker of stupidity and irrelevance.

Since the system went live on December 29, there has been $3.1 million of repairs to vandalised card vending machines and validators.

Yep. The station rats only target Myki, you fuckwand. Not anything that happens to be connected with railways, including the trains themselves, anything on a station and even staff members cars - and staff members.

I will, as I can, find more Lay Clueless articles and point out his many failings.

Coming soon - a whole new section devoted to bad railway media reporting

I'm going to start trawling news reports of the railways (which I happen to like) and advising in my own way how much they suck. Do that when (or if) I get back from my shift tonight.

Kustom Kulture Kunce

Dunno if anyone's noticed in the last five or so years, but there's been an upsurge in a new trend of inner-city yuppie fuckwittery since uranium mining protests became uncool: Kustom Kulture. Well, that's how I think they spell it. It also allows me to make fun of their white-breadishness by using a KKK acronym.

Fuck, I am funny.

From my understanding, it's basically dressing like that untalented slag, Dita Von Teese, and pretending that dancing like a retard while stripping down to your pale flab wearing nipple-pasties is somehow not anything but fucked up by calling it "burlesque", getting 1940's wave sets, giving the estate of Coop something to worry about and getting bad prison tattoos on your arms. And trying to ingratiate yourselves on swing dancing and hot rod clubs who just want your money.

Sort of what happens if you watch Grease one too many times.

Aside from having a breathtaking lack of understanding of what burlesque actually is (think Ziegfeld's Follies) and getting the time period wrong by at least two generations (burlesque died in the 1920's when talkies started, the 1940's had Hollywood) and getting permanently inked for a short-term trend (an investment in tattoo removal clinics will be a great long term investment I reckon) and dancing like a fuckwicket, it's just fucking sad.

Seriously - the next time you see one of those fucking cuntstains in a 1950's top, and sleeve tatts - punch them in the head for Unca Notch. Not that I'm advocating violence against fuckwits...

You're not fucking paid to talk, wanker.

Thundernotch 3 has been in service for quite a few months now. And I'm a lazy bastard and have yet to get the stereo from Thundernotch 2 in it, meaning I can't listen to anything but radio.

And rapidly I've come to a realisation that people who are on radio - with a few exceptions - need to shut the fuck up and play fucking music.

Seriously - listen to any radio station playing and wait for a DJ to start talking bollocks about shit in a way that makes me yell as incoherently as when Marieke Hardy is on the telly.

Just fucking back-announce songs, cretin, and shut the hell up. I could listen to another song in between the ads that all stations play ('cepting for classical music stations - guaranteed to piss off your co-workers) without your mindless vacuous fucking worthless opinions, you fucking zombie vagina. If I wanted to listen to talk radio, I fucking would.

Cunce. The fucking lot.

Tasty, tasty irony with schadenfreude sauce: Catherine Deveny gets the arse for being misogynist

Noted misandrist and unfunny leftard Catherine Deveney (do not click on the link. Mindbleach required) was fired from the public transport hating Melbourne broadsheet The Age for commenting that she hoped some 10 year old kid famous for having a dad who was popular in the US for his ocker enthusiasm would have sex. And for making jokes about someone's second wife not dying of cancer, which the first one did at the Logies.

Anyone who writes their opinion on a newspaper is very likely to be a braindead suckhole with the intellect of a dead fishhead. Like this example of why I should be given a time machine and a Fucking Big Gun to blow the gonads off the father prior to conception to prevent the conservaturd from wasting space encouraging smart people to go "I HATE LABOR!!!1@! BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS" like right-wing zombies. (Let's not accuse said leftards of being any better. Crikey, for example, is full of blogs where left-wing people supposedly smart go "I HATE LIBERAL!!!1@! BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!". It's a worrying sign of the times, kids) so therefore you'd be wondering why I'd care that some arseclown got their marching orders.

What is good about this is that Deveny got the arse due to the comments being exactly the thing she spends a lot of time yammering on about.

Let's face facts here. The celebrity in question was Bindi Irwin. While her mum is a scary-looking freak with eyes that look like it's taking all of her efforts not to FUCKING KILL EVERYONE IN SIGHT, and she is probably being used as a marionette to keep them all in endangered fluffy things, she's. fucking. 10.

Wishing that "she'd get a root" is, quite frankly, fucked up no matter which way you twist it, unless you're trying to dig yourself out of a Big Fucking Hole.

Some comments on her blog seem to imply that it's critiquing the sexualisation of kids.
Bullshit. That's like me saying in all seriousness that I'm going down to Springvale and killing the nearest bloke with a surname of Nguyen to stop racism.

More seems to be along the lines of a small kid trying to see what they can get away with doing to their parents for attention - and The Age in this case is the parent.

But maybe there's a silver lining to this.

She got hoisted on her own petard. Taken down for making the same sexist moron fuckwit opinions she's spent a fair amount of time making herself look good by pretending to fight.

Hopefully this is a trend that spreads, and Murdoch follows Fairfaxes lead so there's less morons in the fucking world encouraging people to be less tarded.

Fuck - here's the new fucken media, cunts!

Quite frankly, I get pissed off at a lot of people and groups of people for quite simply being fuckwits. Usually these rants are done on forums about trains, or to family or friends. And fuckit, you know what? It's probably about time I recorded these in writing somewhere.

I might also ramble shit about trains as well, and railway history, which is hella fascinating.